My God, My Soul, My Brother
by brattyteenagewerewolf
Summary: "I sought my God and my God I could not find. I sought my soul and my soul eluded me. I sought my brother to serve him in his need, and I found all three—my God, my soul, and thee." - William Blake
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The first chapter of my new collection of oneshots, and its Itacest! I'm going to do some more for this quote, but with other sibling pairings, just so you know :) And there's gonna be some incestuous songfics in here as well :) **_(YAY! You know we love our incest! – Prussia), (Prushie, babe, you know the exact face I'm making at you right now. I know you know it because you and everyone else knows that face. It's that face I make when you tell me about watching Days Of Our Lives - Italia)_

**Hetalia isn't mine! Please review! Big thanks to my betas Canada, Italy and Prussia!**

_.o.)O(.o._

_I sought my soul, but my soul I couldn't see_

_I sought my god, but my god eluded me_

_I sought my brother, and I found all three._

_-William Blake_

_.o.)O(.o._

I'd gone through a lot, It often surprised the other nations when they found out just how much I'd gone through. You'd think three wars for independence would have destroyed my smile, not to mention being under the constant rule of other nations.

When others did ask how I continued to smile despite it all, they were always surprised by my answer.

My brother? The brother that teased me and bullied me endlessly?

What they never understood was that it is all a façade that Lovino puts on, all to prove that he's tougher than he looks.

After the second war for independence, I felt weak and useless. He proved to me that we were not. That together we could do anything.

When I prayed to god, begging for a sign, for help, but never getting an answer, he would be there. Promising to look after me, and that god was an idiot if he'd forsaken me.

Lovino became my everything. He was my reason for living, my reason for fighting, even my reason for breathing.

He was my soul and my God, but above that, he was my _Fratello_.

_(AWWW! Damn, I love that quote! It's so cute! - Prussia)_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: ugh... I feel like shit... stupid flu... how the hell did I get it anyway? and why did my immune system decide that NOW was a good time to go on strike? I've got finals starting on monday and it is impossible to study when one has a fever, a splitting headache and feels sick to the pit of one's stomach!**

**I'm just gonna write this and see about getting some more panado or something... danke for the beta jobs Canada, Prussia and Italy! ugh... I hate being sick...**

**Hetalia isn't mine and this can be seen as either brotherly fluff or germancest. your choice...**

_when you try your best but you don't succeed_

_when get what you want but not what you need_

_when you feel so tired but you can't sleep_

_stuck in reverse_

_and the tears come streaming down your face_

_when you lose something you can't replace_

_when you love someone but it goes to waste_

_could it be worse?_

_lights will guide you home_

_and ignite your bones_

_and I will try to fix you_

_fix you- Coldplay_

.o.)O(.o.

Gilbert frowned slightly when he looked up from his wurst and potatoes to see Ludwig pushing his food around his plate. The German had barely touched his food which was strange considering how it was his favourite meal.

"You okay West? You know I forgave you for that fight we had earlier, right?" The Prussian asked, concern touching his red eyes. It had been a bad fight even if neither of them could remember what it had been about.

"Hmmm? what? oh... Ja, ja I'm fine. Just not hungry, thats all..." Ludwig explained quietly.

"Keseses... Of course you're not Hungary, if you were- oh shieBe, West!" the blonde's face had blanched slightly before the german had lurched to his feet, stumbling as he tried to balance himself before sprinting to the bathroom. Gilbert could hear the sound of wretching as he leapt to his feet.

"It's okay, West, fuck... Why didn't you tell me you were feeling sick?" The prussian accused as Ludwig pushed himself away from the toilet with a groan, leaning heavily against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall.

"Didn't want you to worry..." The German explained weakly, not even opening his eyes when he felt a cool and damp cloth being placed against his forehead.

"gott verdamt bruderlein, you're burning up!" Gilbert swore as he lightly dabbed at his brother's heated face with a wet towel. Ludwig just groaned slightly in response. "Come on, Bruder, let's get you to bed..." The albino reassured as he slipped his arm underneath the blonde's and gently pulled him to his feet.

The Prussian couldn't help but give a sigh of relief when he finally managed to half carry his much heavier little brother to his bedroom and sit him down on the bed. "stay here West, I'll go get you some water." Gilbert ordered after checking his brother was okay.

The Prussian also grabbed several tablets and a bucket on his way back with some water. He didn't want Ludwig to hurt himself running to the bathroom or anything...

"Here you go bruderlein, take these it'll make you feel better." Gilbert explained, handing Ludwig the water and tablets. He gave a sigh of relief when his brother gagged but kept it down.

"Good, why don't you get some sleep, hopefully you'll feel better in the morning." The Prussian explained, taking the glass from the sick german.

"Nein... the dishes..." Ludwig protested, struggling to get up. Gilbert sighed before gently pushing his brother back down onto the bed.

"I will do them, now sleep. Even awesome people like us get sick every now and then you know..." The Prussian gently placed a kiss on his brother's hot forehead. "Now sleep..." He ordered turning to leave the room.

"Bruder?" A timid voice asked as he reached the door.

"yes West?"

"Why? Why are you looking after me like this? After the way I've occassionally treated you... That fight earlier..."

"We're brothers, and yes, we might fight but you are still mein bruderlein. And you're worth fighting for Bruderlein."

.o.)O(.o.

_there'll be days_

_we'll be on different sides_

_but that doesn't last too long_

_we'll find ways to get it on track_

_we know how to turn back home_

_sometimes I feel like I can't keep it together_

_and then you hold me close and make it better_

_when I'm with you I can feel so unbreakable_

_cause it's us against the world_

_you and me against them all_

_if you're listening to these words_

_know that we are standing tall_

_I will never see the day when I won't_

_catch you when you fall_

_cause it's us against the world_

_Us against the world- westboys_

**A/N2: ok a shitload of med-lemon, panado and a shot of whiskey later and I'm feeling a little better. Not perfect yet, but I'll get there! and for those who are confused Ludwig and Gilbert had gotten into a bad fight earlier that evening and I'm sure those with siblings will know what I'm talking about when I say that they don't remember what the fight was about cause often the worst of fights will veer off topic to the point were no-one knows what started it. Well, The german brothers had one of those sort of fights but the are still brothers so when Ludwig started acting weirdly Gilbert immediately felt guilty.**

**You could also treat this as an AU if you wanted to, it's very open... I've just lost my own train of thought... I apologise for any lack of sense being made here...**

**Review replies:**

**AITHR33: Danke, you can thank my beta's for the grammar, sure my spelling and grammar are generally fine but they make it impeccable. I also think so, after all, how many sibling pairings are there in Hetalia? I want to do one to the quote for each of them. Thanks for the review!**

**please review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: now for Germany's view on his big brother. Slightly fluffy and maybe angsty. Not majorly, it's more cute than anything.**

**Blame my beta's for the late posting of the last chapter. I wrote that in October... A double update to make up for it :)**

_I sought my soul but my soul I couldn't see_

_I searched for God but my god eluded me_

_I saw my brother and I found all three_

.o.)O(.o.

If people looked at us, they'd probably say I was the older brother.

After all, I was more mature than Gilbert ever would be, not to mention the height and size difference. I hadn't been the 'little' brother since I was fifteen, Gilbert had thrown a fit the day he realised I'd be taller than him.

On top of all that, I was also the one always bailing my brother out of trouble, shaking my head patronisingly while he grinned at me sheepishly. It would be understandable to think I was the elder brother.

They never saw us when we were alone though. When we were together, no-one but us, I could drop the façade. I didn't have to act so tough. He was obviously the older brother then.

Despite everything, I'm still a young nation. But I've seen more hardship in my single century of life than the others have seen in milleniums. Of course I feel fear, guilt and worry over my future. Who doesn't? But I'm seen as tough and strong, so I pretend not to.

Gilbert knows how I feel. He's always protected me. I think I'm one of the few people he's ever genuinely cared for. Despite the fact that we used to be neighbours he never invaded me, I think I'm the only one. He invaded at least half of europe in his day.

Austria, Russia, France, Denmark... They all feared him, or at least were wary of him. The same man they feared used to hold me when I had nightmares, sing to me or tell me stories when I couldn't sleep. I loved him for it.

I saw a side of him none of the others did. The caring brother, the brother who sacrificed his nation and freedom to protect me. He offered to go with Russia, to spare me the fate he went through.

I'd like to think I could do that, protect him if our roles had been reversed. But I'm not sure I could. I'm just the little brother, the one who wanted comfort and support from the only one who understood me, the one who needed to be protected time and time again, his bruderlein.

I look up to him. My frowns and comments are just a mask. If I could have one wish it would be to be like him. He's more than a brother to me. He's been my friend, my father, teacher.

I would do anything for him because he is everything to me.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: who's up for some America and Canada fluff?**

**Hetalia isn't mine!**

_I sought my soul but my soul I couldn't see_

_I searched for god but my god eluded me_

_I saw my brother and I found all three_

_My soul, my god and thee_

One would think that in any relationship the ability to remember the other's existence would be a major feature. Surprisingly I've found that it's actually not as necessary.

Because all that that forgetfulness does is make the times I am remembered more special. And it also makes it so much easier to do good things for my brother without being called a suck up. Being the brother of one of the world's super powers and going out of your way to help him out could do that after all.

No, my acts may not be entirely selfless but it isn't for any kind of protection or money he could give me.

Taking the blame for his actions, being invisible so that he can get the attention, even dealing with his too hard throws during baseball practice, I'll do it all.

No-one else would after all and I care too much for Alfred to put him through what I go through. It's not without its rewards either.

Every blow I take, every bruise I gain, every time someone's gaze passes over me. Alfred always makes it up to me when he remembers that he has a brother.

Nights spent curled up on the couch, watching movies with piles of sweets and hot cocoa.

His smile when I tell him that his idea is brilliant.

His laugh when he's allowed to show off.

I'm not entirely selfless but the fact that my brother thinks I am is one of the best feelings in the world.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: time for Emil's view of Lukas. Prepare for angst.**

_I sought my soul but my soul I couldn't see_

_I searched for God but my god eluded me_

_I saw my brother and I found all three_

_My soul, my god and thee_

I know it doesn't look like it but I do care for my brother. I always shove him away and refuse to acknowledge him as my brother but when it comes down to it I do still love Lukas. He cared for me when I was a kid how can I not love him?

I'm not good at showing my emotions, everyone knows that and they also know that Lukas is hardly any better. But at least he can show them. I've seen his face twist in rage and frustration and yet still mould into one of love when he speaks of Matthias. Not me though, my emotional range just doesn't translate onto my features well.

But the few times I do call him 'brother', those few times when something akin to tenderness shows in his blue eyes. Well, it makes me want to smile like I've seen Matthias and Tino do. To grin so broadly that it hurts.

But I can't. My face just won't pull those sorts of expressions.

You'd think I'd react by calling him 'brother' more often just to see him happy but again I can't. It's not because I hate him or dislike the idea of being his brother. It's purely selfish.

Once all of the Nordic nations were practically brothers but it all fell apart. Lukas and Tino can't call Matthias and Berwald their brothers without referring to their relationships as incestuous. And Berwald and Matthias used to be brothers as well. They've only just patched up their relationship but they spent decades refusing to speak to one another. All of us have only just reached a point of civility after all the horrors we've seen.

I know that Lukas and I are truly brothers, not the fond term the others use but true flesh and blood brothers, and thus we should be different. We shouldn't fall apart like Berwald and Matthias did nor will we fall for each other like Lukas did for Matthias. Incest just isn't our thing.

But what if I'm wrong? What if our relationship does change? Friendship is safe with that in mind. I don't have to worry about growing too close or too distant.

So I refuse to acknowledge him as a brother and push him away when he gets surprisingly clingy. I never tell him I love him and storm off if he does anything that could be deemed brotherly. I sometimes wish I could have the same relationship others have with their brothers but then I see how those end up.

I see Berwald and Matthias. I see Kiku and Yao. I see Arthur and Alfred. All of them with brothers they once lost and a relationship that will never be the same again. They can patch up their relationships but that doesn't change the past, they'll still remember.

I'd rather lose him as a friend than lose him as a brother.


End file.
